Estamos mas cerca de perder todos los derechos de ser Humano!

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20120701_221804000_iOS  El Miedo va y viene, pero la vida se vive una sola vez…

Estoy enferma de ver tanta violencia en la televisión. Trump calculadamente seduciendo gente para que otra vez se repita la historia contra gente de color. Clinton, con su sonrisa plástica tampoco habla de lo que está pasando en este país. Yo no sé ni que decirles a mis hijas de sus futuros ya que ellas son mixtas (Dominicana y Africana-Americana), no van a tener ni un chance a sobrevivir.

Estamos en una faceta de la vida en la cual “abres la boca” y peleas como fiera por tus derechos y los derechos de los demás o “callas” y pretendes que lo que está sucediendo no te incluye a ti. No voy a dar una clase de como las razas se mesclaron porque si todavía separamos el problema, entonces no hay porque tener miedo, ¿Verdad? La realidad es que nosotros los Latinos al igual que otras (Africano-Americanos) minoridades, estamos en peligro de perder el derecho de ser humano. Los miembros de la policía que han cometido estos actos, no valúan el ser humano. ¡Están matándonos poco a poco y separándonos poniendo en frente problemas de emigración, terrorismo, los candidatos presidenciales, los problemas de otros países, quitarnos nuestras armas de fuego, nuestros derechos y PUNTO! Me canso de pensar en las personas que han cambiado leyes, y todas demuestran algo que nos hace falta a todos… Unirnos juntos para enfrentar este problema y luego que se resuelva, podemos cambiar todas las injusticias que nos suceden solamente porque nuestra piel tiene color.

Dejen su miedo y únete a otros que están marchando en pie sugerencias a nuestro gobierno para ponerle los frenos a la brutalidad de los policías que están matándonos. Yo propongo que comiencen a juntarse con otros latinos en las universidades, las escuelas, el mercado, y que busquen los líderes de otras razas para que juntos peleen por el derecho humano.

Los dejo con esta historia de lo que me paso. Un día me fui de paseo para San Antonio, TX con mis hijas (Tiana 7, Taelynn 5). No tenía ni media hora manejando cuando me paro un policía. Cuando les decía a mis hijas que no se preocupen, mi hija mayor me respondió “Mami, él te va a matar?” Mi corazón estaba en el piso porque mi hija vio mi vida en peligro. Ahora les pido, por favor no ignoren las noticias, el miedo no es más fuerte que la consecuencia del silencio.

¡Únete a la pelea de los derechos civiles!!!

 

Curly Hair and I don’t CARE :)

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http://Curly Hair: https://youtu.be/86lqeRaowNo

To all the girls around the world.

Stretch out into the world with confidence in your walk.
Strut your beautiful hair.
Flaunt your natural curls.
Show off your natural hair in its natural form.

Your beauty is not found in your looks. Its not found in your skin.
Its not found in your clothes.
Its not found in your bling.

Your beauty exudes from the depths of your soul and the attitude you bring.
You are so beautiful kinky curly, straight hair, or wavy.
Don’t you see all the beauty you bring?

Open Letter to My Husband…

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We have been attending a marriage class at church every Wednesday for the past 3 weeks. Each time that we go, we find ourselves having those “ahah” moments of things that we could change so that we can have a better marriage. We are definitely not new to each other and have known each other for a little over 10 years now. Though we have had our time apart within these 10 years, we know that we love each other and want to remain together and continue to build our family. I know that the transition from not being together to being together has been nothing less than challenging. Though we bask in the joys of parenting together and seeing our children grow up the way that we imagined it from the first day that we said “I do,” there’s moments that we don’t behave loving towards each other. These moments are what I call “together-but-separate moments.” Whether it’s me or you who initiates these moments of silence, we each entertain differently mindful questioning of how committed we are to one another to make this work. We know it doesn’t serve us any good to dwell in those moments when we know what that can lead to.

Since the beginning of us attending this group at church we have been looking into seeking God more diligently because putting him first in our lives, our marriage will fall into its rightful place. We have been doing the things that normally we would have done separate and that is looking for books, articles, or even talking to some of our close friends about marriage, and how to deal with things. But still, we have our moments of doubt. I wanted to write this letter to you to let you know that you are right in that we have to commit ourselves and read the book that we recently purchased The 7 Love Agreements, (Weiss, 2005) separately. I have made an agreement with in my heart that I will no longer feel unlovable just because I don’t have the love of many people in my life I wish I had. I have realized in the few pages I read that my silent behavior towards you when I’m upset is caused in my heart as a result of not wanting to be rejected or dismissed by you. I have this unconscious little voice constantly telling me that it’s better to love cautiously then to give love freely in case my spouse has a change of heart and decides not to love me anymore. I know that I say out of my mouth that I no longer have those feelings of being worthy of love, and wholeheartedly I don’t want to have those feelings but for whatever reason my mind tricks my heart. It plays our disagreements with no real melody attaching moments of frustration with something you did to that ancient agreement I made with my heart when I was a little girl that I was unlovable. I know in my mind that this thought pattern is unrealistic. I feel that that agreement when I was a little girl is a result of unprocessed emotions due to the things that I have been through and the life lessons along the way. Deeming myself unlovable then has spiraled into behaviors that reinforce that ancient belief. I know it sounds silly but when I react to you with these thoughts in the back of my head it comes out as if I’m cold, unloving, as if I truly don’t want to be around you when quite honestly is not the truth.

It has been a long road and I am still on the path to let go and let my heart stay open to God because believing enables me to defeat my negative thoughts and accept the love you give me. I’m scared of losing you and at times uncertain of how to love you. From today on, I plan to be corny, dedicate love songs, leave little lipstick messages, and be all over you when you are home, do chores together, sit quietly together, and encourage you by loving on you more. I don’t want to care how I look in front of you when I show you affection or plant corny love poems around the house because of the end of the day we have no mask around each other.

I’m working on it, just know that my temper is a reflection of my pain or the pain of anticipating if my worst fears of you not loving me forever came true. I may get upset from time to time but know that my love and desire for your love does not stop. I’m sorry about the three days of rarely speaking to you, you didn’t deserve that no matter how upset I was or what I was upset about. I hope you can forgive me, and I’m sorry if I made you feel unloved during those three days it was not my intention to react that way. I pray for us. There is no more of “being the same” and expect different results, I want our marriage to last and we just need to do better on having fun. I know you are with me on this one…

Reference

Weiss, D. (2005). The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. Lake Mary, Fla.: Siloam.

Where to find The 7 Love Agreements:  http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Agreements-Decisions-Strenthen/dp/1591857244

Or you can always check your local bargain store, public library as well. Marriage can be beautiful if both individuals commit themselves to love with intent.

You Have Been Nominated!!!

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https://aeipril.wordpress.com      my-scan

Wow, I have been nominated for my First Liebster award by My Silly World. Thank you very much. I was truly surprised when I received it, but more than grateful. I am blessed and glad to bless others along the way. Please check out the blogs below as the y have inspired me and are truly awesome!!!

 🙂

THE RULES:

  1. Make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you and include the Liebster Award sticker in the post.
  2. Nominate 5-10 other bloggers and notify them of this in one of their posts.
  3. All nominated bloggers are to have less than 200 followers.
  4. Answer the 10 questions posed by your nominator and create 10 different questions for your nominees to answer. Or, you can repeat the same questions.
  5. Copy these rules into your post.

My Answers are:

1. What do you prefer, comics, books or movies? Movies

2. Where are you from? New York, NY

3. Where would you like to travel to? Europe

4. What is your favorite food? Dominican food

5. What is your favorite sport? volleyball

6.. What is your career plan? Clinical Mental Health Counselor

7. Do you play any sports? not yet

8. What kind of reading of blogs category wise is your favorite? everything

9. Are you married, single or dating? Married

10. If you could be anyone who would you like to be? Queen of England

People whom I nominate:

AngelPylon

aeipril

anotheronecalledbecky

saharaina

affranchisingwoman

The Questions are:

1. What kind of movies do you usually watch?

2. What makes you happy?

3. What is the difference between a blogger and a writer?

4. What do you do for a living?

5. If you have job how do you manage your time in writing and work?

6. Do you have a family?7. Do you play any sports?

8. What kind of reading of blogs category wise is your favorite?

9. Do you believe in ghost?

10. If you could be anyone who would you like to be?

No one is SAFE! Justice must happen..

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http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/10/27/us/officers-classroom-fight-with-student-is-caught-on-video.html?_r=0&referer=https://www.google.com/

I am just beyond words right now. Every week I post on my blog and I share my experiences in life and in hopes that it will inspire people to know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. To inspire belief that things can be better, that you should always strive to achieve happiness with yourself, your life, and for your family. Watching this video has been so mind-blowing because it occured at the one place that you feel that your kids should be somewhat safe, and they’re not. This is not to blame every single school or just some schools or point the finger at one or the other. But what happened in the South Carolina high school to a student who was obviously sitting down at her desk whether or not she responded to the officers command to get out of her seat was a slap in the face for everyone. The actions the officer took to get “COMPLIANCE” was excessive and totally preventable. I can’t imagine what her parents are feeling like right now after watching their daughter just get tossed around by a grown man as if she was a criminal. Regardless of what they say about her, whether or not she was a trouble maker or whatever she may have done, he has no grounds to assault her. This is just ridiculous.

I sit here just thinking “what will we do when our daughter’s get older?” I just want to grab them from elementary school and never let them out of my sight, homeschool them if need be just so they’re safe. My girls are black and Dominican, they have no chance out there with all the hate towards everyone that’s different. Schools are not safe, streets are not safe, no place is safe from the looks of it. Maybe the media is doing a good job at making discrimination the top news, but in reality I feel they are blatantly letting us know “obey the law or else.” Whether you believe in God or not, right now there’s nothing protecting you or your family from the recurring violence against our “KIDS” our kids people!!! I pray for change and most of all that I am not in such a situation because I fear I would end up dead given that I would advocate my rights.

How much can we take before a civil war breaks out everywhere. I pray for the family of this young girl, I can’t say I would know what to do in this situation, but I feel like jail time for me or my husband would be involved. Yes, violence does not solve this problem which is getting bigger and bigger, but watching your child getting pushed and pulled like that does nothing more than inspire violence to protect your child.

There’s no doubt that this is a social problem a community problem that must be addressed. My goal is that everyone that reads this blog reach out to their governor or mayor or whoever is in charge of your community to start protesting against the excessive use of violence by law enforcement. This is not to blame each and every police officer because not everyone is bad just like not every person in the world is a criminal. My hopes is that the anger that this video as disturbing as it is, that everyone uses this anger to do whatever it is that they can do at their level to ensure that this won’t happen again. Everytime I see these videos victims are getting younger and younger and I fear for my daughters who are only five and seven years olds. I can’t even imagine what I would do if my 7 year old or my 5 year olds gets assaulted while in school by someone who is supposed to be there to protect them. Its sickening to watch these videos and to feel so hopeless so powerless because so far justice has not spoken for the people.

Watch “Children See, Children Do” on YouTube

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http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7d4gmdl3zNQ

I may be asking for much from the world and am the first to admit that when I was young I did things I would never teach my kids. As a mother, I have changed so much because I don’t want my babies to be exposed to the common but overwhelming bad and good things out in the world. I have stopped using the N* word, block sexist channels, changed some friends, distanced from certain family members, the way I talk, walk, carry myself, and even the way I think all because of my Daughters. Quite honestly, I’m trying to figure out why I didn’t do this sooner. Yes, when I was younger I was out in the streets partying and doing things that were to early for me. I blamed it on not having enough role models or on ” the absent village” that didn’t raise me. But now that I’m an adult with kids, I have no one but myself to blame for the habits that my daughters pick up as they get older.

My God!!! I am amazed how things are and how dormant some in this generation have become to all the crap out there. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are barriers out there like the economy, standardized tests, no village, racism, no feeling of “love thy neighbors,” and a sleuth of things out of our control. I struggle with what I want to do with my career so far because I am floored at the possibility that my daughters will not survive this life if Toree Warmsley and I don’t feed them the knowledge they need to survive life.  Watching this clip puts so many things in perspective for me and my family. I urge you to be more involved in your children’s lives, they will be the ones making decisions for us when we get older. Protest, homeschool, reach out in your community, serve your community, inspire others around you to boycott this sh** they feed our young in the media, streets, schools, and everywhere they go. Help one another so that it keeps on reciprocating and little by little things change.

What gets me the most is having to explain to my girls about racism, sexism, gender discrimination, child abuse, child predators, how to keep safe even from their own family, and to understand that school is here at home first. I don’t blame teachers because not all are in favor of testing, matter of fact none that I know are. I blame “Power” and the madness that trickles down hill from every direction literally driving us to live in “fight or flight” status.

I pray for a better world! I don’t want money, fame, good credit, or a comfy life to go through the everyday motions. I pray to God DAILY for a better world because Toree and I have lived and now its our girl’s turn to have a life. I pray for real PG TV, netter jobs, money for schools, real life education, truth, no racism, no violence, no more inflation, no more corruption, no more crap teaching my kids that “more things” means happiness. Our life is God’s first, and he has called us to be the best parent’s we could be. If that means that I skip Love and Basketball, MTV jams, horror movies, a night out for drinks, the n**** word, curse words, and everything that could take a piece of their childhood away, then so be it. After all, the day they were born, we both knew we would kill or die for them hands down!!!

##Mic_drops!!WAKEUP#GOD1ST#I’M_Blessed!#$@

WILL YOUR SON BE READY TO DATE MY DAUGHTER?

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No more

This question may look simple but for me it is unnerving. You see, I have two daughters that I am raising to be women and because of this, I am scared for them. It has been exactly 40 weeks since my sense of safety was damaged. I say damaged because despite that scary day when I was attacked and pushed to the ground like a lifeless item, I’m still alive and very grateful for that. The nightmares continue to haunt me and triggers remind me of him provoking temporary flashbacks and panic attacks like never before. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m lucky to be able to slip away with nothing more than a restraining order, recurring wrist pain, painful memories, and the aftershock of domestic violence. Every week after week I see a therapist but the conversation changes very little. When asked “how is your day going?” I can’t find words to answer the question. I don’t want to say anything, I don’t want to think of anything, I don’t want to remember anything. It’s too painful, too much, and I just can’t bear replaying over and over pieces of my experience because it brings me back as if I am living in that very moment. Images are revived again running through my mind and it makes it hard to get back to the present moment.

If you ask anyone who has any knowledge at all of human rights, they will let you know that across the world violence against women is the number one human rights issue. They will also let you know that violence against women is the number 1 leading cause of death of women. I can’t imagine that my PTSD, my dilemma with these flashbacks, and constant triggers will subside because now my paranoia is heightened for my girls. PTSD just sits in my mind reminding me of how weak I felt and the lack of strength I felt when I was attacked by him, the son of this woman. This woman, his mother, she failed to see that she herself was raising a monster. She raised a monster just like his father who put her through the same violence. She may not have noticed, but she groomed him to be “that man” who feasts on intimidation and aggression rather than respect towards women. Women out there that are still and will continue to endure such violence for centuries to come if nothing is done against violence towards women now. I have no idea where to go from here. Now is not just the memories of the day that I myself endured domestic violence, but fear lives in me for the days to come because my daughters can be the victims of tomorrow.

To all the parents out there raising boys to men, I urge you to see that this is not just a problem for me being a victim now survivor. Teach them to value women and please trust that I will do my part and raise ladies on my side. This sad truth is not just a problem for the women that are still there trying to figure out how to escape this dilemma? How to escape this aggression? This violence against her that she never once asked for, that she does not deserve. Violent acts that go unnoticed unless you’re visible beat up for anyone to care, for anyone to pay attention. If it’s not visible, nobody sees it, and everybody ignores it. Nothing or little happens at all! Violence against women is a worldwide problem and we must take it personally and break this vicious cycle. We all need to recognize that it is not breast cancer, heart disease, diabetes, AIDS, car accidents, and is not suicides that’s killing 1 out of 4 women in the U.S.

Just like racism, domestic violence is taught or passed down generation to generation and each time is getting worse. You see my mind can’t let go. I can’t stop raising awareness or stop speaking of this despicable act because now I am more than awake to the severity of it not just for me but for my girls. It is not so much that I don’t understand that I will be around men everywhere that I go. That there are men out there that do value women and do not commit domestic violence. Or that I don’t understand that I can defend myself if I’m ever attacked. My sense of safety is damaged from my own experience with domestic violence. It opened my eyes to understand that violence against women is skyrocketing. That violence against women does not care about race, socioeconomic status, or religious beliefs. It opened up my mind to understand that regardless of where I go, or where I hide, someone is teaching that violence against women is okay. Men who were once boys. Boys who could have learned to value girls. Boys now men lacking respect for women. My problem now is my sense of safety for my daughters who will tomorrow grow up to be women, who will tomorrow leave my nest, and I will no longer be able to protect.

To the parents raising boys to men:

Will your son be the difference? Will he be ready to treat a woman with respect and honor her?

Football Fanaticism… for the less than average virgin fan.

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I never understood what the big deal is with football. Married to a Texas native, you will think that I would know the answer to that question. However, week after week I sit there next to my husband supporting his fanaticism. He doesn’t play himself but he cheers, reacts, gets mad, and oftentimes screams at the top of his lungs at the TV as if he is a sideline coach. Our daughters know that they need to approach their dad with caution when the 49ers are playing because his behavior is completely erratic. I just can’t seem to understand it, maybe that’s why I’ve never understood what it means to be a true fan of anything. Fans are sometimes overboard and act as if their whole world revolves around who or what they idolize. It can even get to the point of placing their idols in such a God like-position.

What is a girl to do to be more supportive when football is on? Research, research, research, research, and more research on a topic that until I met my husband was foreign to me. I have read multiple articles from women married to football, fans, husbands, previous players, and others regarding the nature of being a football fanatic and all that it brings. I always thought that to enjoy the sport one must engage in it in some way or another to appreciate the beauty of it. I particularly love baseball and volleyball since I was first introduced to the sport when I was around 7yrs old. It was a beautiful thing to stand there confident as ever ready to serve the ball, or hit a homerun, and not give up competing every second of the game to win. When I played baseball I just couldn’t get enough of playing different positions and compete to be better than my siblings. But my idea of baseball is getting a ball or something resembling a stick, a ball, gloves if available, and something to mark the bases. It didn’t matter what we found to start the game up as long as we got to play. My siblings and I would give up TV time, dinner, spending time with friends, or going out just to be able to play. The competition was fierce and we always made sure to have on hand more than one ball given that both my brother’s constantly blew the ball out of the park. Still, unless I played, I never actually developed a liking to watching others play having all the fun while I swat mosquitoes sitting on the sidelines. It was just plain boring to me to sit and cheer when my team was doing well. So when it came to football I just found it quite boring and fattening to just watch stuffing my face with multiple non-healthy appetizers. Not to mention, I have little knowledge of what is happening during a football game.

Living here in Texas and experiencing the level of fanaticism is another world for me. Fans are truly “ride or die” when it comes to football. They talk, walk, and breathe football like I’ve never seen before. In my opinion it’s a tad excessive, but then again everyone is free to decide what level of fanaticism is ok. It’s amazing the amount of time, money, and energy put into being a fan. I always ask why spend so much money buying and hoarding relics of your team when players are changed so frequently. Let’s not even discuss the amount of money that goes into going to watch a game live, in my opinion ticket prices are just ridiculous.

My husband gets so into the game that he often appears to need medical attention from all the stress induced by watching the 49ers play. I guess I will never understand the whole idea since my view of being a fan is liking something but not so much that it becomes part of my identity. I do enjoy watching my children or family members play sports, perform in a play, or part of other activites.

Maybe it’s just me but I rather play the sport then watch it.

Breaking the cycle building a Legacy..

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The cycle of life never lets you forget where you came from regardless of the natural and chosen transitions you make in life. As a young girl, I wondered about the reasons why “Love” didn’t occur naturally. Why people behave as they do? Specifically, I studied the way that my mother responded and/or reacted to my behavior and that of my siblings. I searched for answers as to why there was so much physical and verbal abuse in my household. But no answers were found where I searched because children were expected to be silent and parents weren’t to be questioned. Silently, I pondered conclusions to my inevitable upbringing and made-up reasons why “it happened to me.”

I learn to sustain myself by creating daydream memories of what my childhood should have been like. I struggled as a young woman finding my own identity in the mist of letting go of that one which I came from. I looked unto others that I admired and attempted to mimic some of their characteristics that resembled strength, courage, and autonomy. I learn to self soothe my wounds both mental and physical without the need of a mothers comfort. But the cycle of life had other plans for me. Life as I knew it became more complex as I worked my way out of childhood and lashed at the world of adulthood. And though I suppressed much of my past, motherhood was in my future.

I delivered my first child in 2008 and all the emotions that I once suppressed as a young child came rushing in creating confusion and turmoil. It was now my turn to fulfill a role I knew nothing about. To my surprise the intensity felt much more worst then when I was actually a child. I felt confused, angry, sad, fearful, and uncertain as to why I continued to feel such resentment for the person who once gave me life. I myself was becoming a mother, and hence the cycle of life began.

It is with great uncertainty, that I dwelt in the world of motherhood and learned through my daughter what it really meant to be a mother. I felt myself letting go of the characteristics I once admired the characteristics that made me strong in order to completely and selfishly love my child unconditionally as she love me from birth. As I struggled with letting go of my individualism, I embraced her needs as my own and questioned once again as I did when I was a child “how can a mother not love or show love to their own child?” I couldn’t fathom the thought of looking on to my child and wishing her death, nor striking her due to a child like mistake, or reducing her “needs” to the mere thought of it becoming a “want” and not fulfill my responsibility to her.

My compassion grew even though I fought aginst it. It caused me to feel deep sorrow for my mother as she never fullfilled her role due to her own battle with growing up with an absent and abusive mother and then it becoming her. Motherhood helped me feel sorry for her. I felt sorry that she did not get to enjoy the unconditional love a child has for their mother. I felt sorry that she did not get to find joy in seeing the smiles of her children, receiving constant affection, and watching our growth. I felt sorry for her because through all the anger and pain that she had while mothering myself and my siblings she missed the opportunity to be loved unconditionally by her children. To feel that sense of validation that you, “the mother” is the most important person in their life because through you they came to be and through you they will learn about life. I felt sorry that she never realized this while we were still young in her care readily available to love her unconditionally with open arms and without restraints. And though I wrestled with my destructive memories of her, anger and resentment towards her for the pain and suffering I endured turned to compassion for her.  My compassion turned into love, and it was then when I learned to love my mother.

Still, there’s times that I myself question my own loyalty to “me.”

“The child who cried herself to sleep” The child who rubbed her own hurt,
the child who wondered where she belonged and who claimed her as their own. The child who felt abandoned within a home. The child whose innocence was there no more. No family no home, no roots to trace or own. The child who was left behind to wonder and endure Life on her own. The child who became angry and resented her own life. The child that is now a woman and a mother to her own. That woman is me, and refuse to suffer, no more.

I share my story to give hope to those girls who grow up feeling abandoned by their mothers. Though I don’t have a close relationship with my own, I learned and am still learning to let go of those memories of her that once harbored hate. I hope in my story someone finds comfort in knowing that you can survive and be the mother you want your child to remember, who loves them fiercely, loves them with no restraints.

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Tiana and Taelynn, my girls, my legacy!